PEDIATRICS
Vol. 109 No. 2 February 2002, pp. 341-344
|
Technical Report:
Coparent or Second-Parent Adoption by Same-Sex Parents
Ellen C. Perrin,
MD and Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health
|
|
ABSTRACT |
A growing body of scientific literature demonstrates that children who
grow up with 1 or 2 gay and/or lesbian parents fare as well in
emotional, cognitive, social, and sexual functioning as do children
whose parents are heterosexual. Children’s optimal development seems
to be influenced more by the nature of the relationships and
interactions within the family unit than by the particular
structural form it takes.
|
|
CURRENT
SITUATION |
Accurate statistics regarding the number of parents who are gay or
lesbian are impossible to obtain. The secrecy resulting from the
stigma still associated with homosexuality has hampered even basic
epidemiologic research. A broad estimate is that between 1 and 9
million children in the
Most individuals who
have a lesbian and/or gay parent were conceived in the context of a
heterosexual relationship. When a parent (or both parents) in a
heterosexual couple "comes out" as lesbian or gay, some
parents divorce and others continue to live as a couple. If they do
decide to live separately, either parent may be the residential
parent or children may live part-time in each home. Gay or lesbian
parents may remain single or they may have same-sex partners who may
or may not develop stepparenting relationships with the children.
These families closely resemble stepfamilies formed after
heterosexual couples divorce, and many of their parenting concerns
and adjustments are similar. An additional concern for these parents
is that pervasively heterosexist legal precedents have resulted in
denial of custody and restriction of visitation rights to many gay
and lesbian parents.
Increasing social
acceptance of diversity in sexual orientation has allowed more gay
men and lesbians to come out before forming intimate relationships
or becoming parents. Lesbian and gay adults choose to become parents
for many of the same reasons heterosexual adults do. The desire for
children is a basic human instinct and satisfies many people’s wish
to leave a mark on history or perpetuate their family’s story. In
addition, children may satisfy people’s desire to provide and accept
love and nurturing from others and may provide some assurance of
care and support during their older years.
Many of the same
concerns that exist for heterosexual couples when they consider
having children also face lesbians and gay men. All parents have
concerns about time, finances, and the responsibilities of
parenthood. They worry about how children will affect their
relationship as a couple, their own and their children’s health, and
their ability to manage their new parenting role in addition to
their other adult roles. Lesbians and gay men undertaking parenthood
face additional challenges, including deciding whether to conceive
or adopt a child, obtaining donor sperm or arranging for a surrogate
mother (if conceiving), finding an accepting adoption agency (if
adopting), making legally binding arrangements regarding parental
relationships, creating a substantive role for the nonbiologic or
nonadoptive parent, and confronting emotional pain and restrictions
imposed by heterosexism and discriminatory regulations.
Despite these
challenges, lesbians and gay men increasingly are becoming parents
on their own or in the context of an established same-sex
relationship. Most lesbians who conceive a child do so using
alternative insemination techniques with a donor’s sperm. The woman
or women may choose to become pregnant using sperm from a completely
anonymous donor, from a donor who has agreed to be identifiable when
the child becomes an adult, or from a fully known donor (eg, a
friend or a relative of the nonconceiving partner). Lesbians also
can become parents by fostering or adopting children, as can gay
men. These opportunities are increasingly available in most states
and in many other countries, although they are still limited by
legal statutes in some places.
A growing number of
gay men have chosen to become fathers through the assistance of a
surrogate mother who bears their child. Others have made agreements
to be coparents with a single woman (lesbian or heterosexual) or a
lesbian couple.2–4 Still other men make arrangements
to participate as sperm donors in the conception of a child
(commonly with a lesbian couple), agreeing to have variable levels
of involvement with the child but without taking on the
responsibilities of parenting.
When a lesbian or a
gay man becomes a parent through alternative insemination,
surrogacy, or adoption, the biologic or adoptive parent is
recognized within the legal system as having full and more or less
absolute parental rights. Although the biologic or adoptive parent’s
partner may function as a coparent, he or she has no formal legal
rights with respect to the child. Most state laws do not allow for
adoption or guardianship by an unmarried partner unless the parental
rights of the first parent are terminated. An attorney can prepare
medical consent forms and nomination-of-guardian forms for the care
of the child in the event of the legal parent’s death or incapacity.
These documents, however, do not have the force of an adoption or
legal guardianship, and there is no guarantee that a court will
uphold them. Some states recently have passed legislation that
allows coparents to adopt their partner’s children. Other states
have allowed their judicial systems to determine eligibility for
formal adoption by the coparent on a case-by-case basis. Coparent
(or second-parent) adoption has important psychologic and legal
benefits.
Historically, gay men
and lesbians have been prevented from becoming foster parents or
adopting children and have been denied custody and rights of
visitation of their children in the event of divorce on the grounds
that they would not be effective parents. Legal justifications and
social beliefs have presumed that their children would experience
stigmatization, poor peer relationships, subsequent behavioral and
emotional problems, and abnormal psychosexual development. During
the past 20 years, many investigators have tried to determine
whether there is any empiric support for these assumptions.
|
|
RESEARCH
EVIDENCE |
The focus of research has been on 4 main topic areas. Investigators have
concentrated on describing the attitudes and behaviors of gay and
lesbian parents and the psychosexual development, social experience,
and emotional status of their children.
Parenting
Attitudes and Behavior, Personality, and Adjustment of Parents
Stereotypes and laws that maintain discriminatory practices are
based on the assumption that lesbian mothers and gay fathers are
different from heterosexual parents in ways that are important to
their children’s well-being. Empirical evidence reveals in contrast
that gay fathers have substantial evidence of nurturance and
investment in their paternal role and no differences from heterosexual
fathers in providing appropriate recreation, encouraging autonomy,5 or dealing with general
problems of parenting.6 Compared with heterosexual fathers,
gay fathers have been described to adhere to stricter disciplinary
guidelines, to place greater emphasis on guidance and the
development of cognitive skills, and to be more involved in their
children’s activities.7 Overall, there are more similarities than
differences in the parenting styles and attitudes of gay and nongay
fathers.
Similarly, few
differences have been found in the research from the last 2 decades
comparing lesbian and heterosexual mothers’ self-esteem, psychologic
adjustment, and attitudes toward child rearing.8,9 Lesbian mothers fall within the range of
normal psychologic functioning on interviews and psychologic
assessments and report scores on standardized measures of
self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and parenting stress
indistinguishable from those reported by heterosexual mothers.10
Lesbian mothers
strongly endorse child-centered attitudes and commitment to their
maternal roles11–13 and have been shown to be more
concerned with providing male role models for their children than
are divorced heterosexual mothers.6,14 Lesbian and heterosexual mothers
describe themselves similarly in marital and maternal interests,
current lifestyles, and child-rearing practices.14 They report similar role conflicts, social
support networks, and coping strategies.15,16
Children’s
Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation
The gender identity of preadolescent children raised by lesbian mothers
has been found consistently to be in line with their biologic sex.
None of the more than 300 children studied to date have shown
evidence of gender identity confusion, wished to be the other sex,
or consistently engaged in cross-gender behavior. No differences
have been found in the toy, game, activity, dress, or friendship
preferences of boys or girls who had lesbian mothers, compared with
those who had heterosexual mothers.
No differences have
been found in the gender identity, social roles, or sexual
orientation of adults who had a divorced homosexual parent (or
parents), compared with those who had divorced heterosexual parents.17–19 Similar proportions of young adults who had
homosexual parents and those who had heterosexual parents have
reported feelings of attraction toward someone of the same sex.20 Compared with young adults who had
heterosexual mothers, men and women who had lesbian mothers were
slightly more likely to consider the possibility of having a
same-sex partner, and more of them had been involved in at least a
brief relationship with someone of the same sex,10 but in each group similar proportions of
adult men and women identified themselves as homosexual.
Children’s
Emotional and Social Development
Because most children whose parents are gay or lesbian have experienced
the divorce of their biologic parents, their subsequent psychologic
development has to be understood in that context. Whether they are
subsequently raised by 1 or 2 separated parents and whether a
stepparent has joined either of the biologic parents are important
factors for children but are rarely addressed in research assessing
outcomes for children who have a lesbian or gay parent.
The considerable
research literature that has accumulated addressing this issue has
generally revealed that children of divorced lesbian mothers grow up
in ways that are very similar to children of divorced heterosexual
mothers. Several studies comparing children who have a lesbian
mother with children who have a heterosexual mother have failed to
document any differences between such groups on personality
measures, measures of peer group relationships, self-esteem,
behavioral difficulties, academic success, or warmth and quality of
family relationships.9,11,15,16,20,21 Children’s self-esteem has been shown to be
higher among adolescents whose mothers (of any sexual orientation)
were in a new partnered relationship after divorce, compared with
those whose mothers remained single, and among those who found out
at a younger age that their parent was homosexual, compared with
those who found out when they were older.22
Prevalent heterosexism
and stigmatization might lead to teasing and embarrassment for
children about their parent’s sexual orientation or their family
constellation and restrict their ability to form and maintain
friendships. Adult children of divorced lesbian mothers have
recalled more teasing by peers during childhood than have adult
children of divorced heterosexual parents.23 Nevertheless, children seem to cope rather
well with the challenge of understanding and describing their
families to peers and teachers.
Children born to and
raised by lesbian couples also seem to develop normally in every
way. Ratings by their mothers and teachers have demonstrated
children’s social competence and the prevalence of behavioral
difficulties to be comparable with population norms.8,24 In fact, growing up with parents who
are lesbian or gay may confer some advantages to children. They have
been described as more tolerant of diversity and more nurturing
toward younger children than children whose parents are
heterosexual.25,26
In 1 study, children
of heterosexual parents saw themselves as being somewhat more
aggressive than did children of lesbians, and they were seen by
parents and teachers as more bossy, negative, and domineering.
Children of lesbian parents saw themselves as more lovable and were
seen by parents and teachers as more affectionate, responsive, and
protective of younger children, compared with children of
heterosexual parents.25,27 In a more recent investigation,
children of lesbian parents reported their self-esteem to be similar
to that of children of heterosexual parents and saw themselves as
similar in aggressiveness and sociability.15
Recent investigations
have attempted to discern factors that promote optimal well-being of
children who have lesbian parents. The adjustment of children who
have 2 mothers seems to be related to their parents’ satisfaction
with their relationship and specifically with the division of
responsibility they have worked out with regard to child care and
household chores.28 Children with lesbian parents who reported
greater relationship satisfaction, more egalitarian division of
household and paid labor,29 and more regular contact with grandparents and
other relatives30 were rated by parents and teachers to be
better adjusted and to have fewer behavioral problems.
Children in all family
constellations have been described by parents and teachers to have
more behavioral problems when parents report more personal distress
and more dysfunctional parent-child interactions. In contrast,
children are rated as better adjusted when their parents report
greater relationship satisfaction, higher levels of love, and lower
interparental conflict regardless of their parents’ sexual
orientation. Children apparently are more powerfully influenced by
family processes and relationships than by family structure.
|
|
SUMMARY |
The small and nonrepresentative samples studied and the relatively young
age of most of the children suggest some reserve. However, the
weight of evidence gathered during several decades using diverse
samples and methodologies is persuasive in demonstrating that there
is no systematic difference between gay and nongay parents in
emotional health, parenting skills, and attitudes toward parenting.
No data have pointed to any risk to children as a result of growing
up in a family with 1 or more gay parents. Some among the vast
variety of family forms, histories, and relationships may prove more
conducive to healthy psychosexual and emotional development than
others.
Research exploring the
diversity of parental relationships among gay and lesbian parents is
just beginning. Children whose parents divorce (regardless of sexual
orientation) are better adjusted when their parents have high
self-esteem, maintain a responsible and amicable relationship, and
are currently living with a partner.22,31 Children living with divorced lesbian mothers
have better outcomes when they learn about their mother’s
homosexuality at a younger age, when their fathers and other
important adults accept their mother’s lesbian identity, and perhaps
when they have contact with other children of lesbians and gay men.22,24 Parents and children have better outcomes when
the daunting tasks of parenting are shared, and children seem to
benefit from arrangements in which lesbian parents divide child care
and other household tasks in an egalitarian manner28 as well as when conflict between
partners is low. Although gay and lesbian parents may not, despite
their best efforts, be able to protect their children fully from the
effects of stigmatization and discrimination, parents’ sexual
orientation is not a variable that, in itself, predicts their
ability to provide a home environment that supports children’s
development.
COMMITTEE ON PSYCHOSOCIAL ASPECTS OF CHILD AND FAMILY HEALTH, 2000–2001
Joseph F. Hagan, Jr, MD, Chairperson
William L. Coleman, MD
Jane M. Foy, MD
Edward Goldson, MD
Barbara J. Howard, MD
Ana Navarro, MD
J. Lane Tanner, MD
Hyman C. Tolmas, MD
LIAISONS
F. Daniel Armstrong, PhD
Society of Pediatric Psychology
David R. DeMaso, MD
Peggy Gilbertson, RN, MPH, CPNP
National Association of Pediatric
Nurse Practitioners
Sally E. A. Longstaffe, MD
Canadian Paediatric Society
CONSULTANTS
George J. Cohen, MD
Ellen C. Perrin, MD
STAFF
Karen Smith
|
|
REFERENCES |
1.
Laumann
EO. National Health and Social Life Survey.
2.
Barret
RL, Robinson BE. Gay Fathers.
3.
Bigner
JJ, Bozett FW. Parenting by gay fathers. In: Bozett FW,
4.
Patterson
CJ, Chan RW. Gay fathers and their children. In: Cabaj RP, Stein TS, eds. Textbook
of Homosexuality and Mental Health.
5.
Turner
PH, Scadden L, Harris MB. Parenting in gay and lesbian families. J Gay
Lesbian Psychother.1990; 1 :55 –66
6.
Harris
MB, Turner PH. Gay and lesbian parents. J Homosex.1985; 12 :101 –113[Medline]
7.
Bigner
JJ, Jacobsen RB. Adult responses to child behavior and attitudes toward
fathering: gay and nongay fathers. J Homosex.1992; 23 :99 –112[Medline]
8.
Flaks
DK, Ficher I, Masterpasqua F, Joseph G. Lesbians choosing motherhood: a
comparative study of lesbian and heterosexual parents and their children. Dev
Psychol.1995; 31 :105 –114
9.
Green
R, Mandel JB, Hotvedt ME, Gray J, Smith L. Lesbian mothers and their children:
a comparison with solo parent heterosexual mothers and their children. Arch
Sex Behav.1986; 15 :167 –184[Medline]
10.
Golombok
S, Tasker F, Murray C. Children raised in fatherless families from infancy:
family relationships and the socioemotional development of children of lesbian
and single heterosexual mothers. J Child Psychol Psychiatry.1997; 38
:783 –791[Medline]
11.
Golombok
S, Spencer A, Rutter M. Children in lesbian and single-parent households:
psychosexual and psychiatric appraisal. J Child Psychol Psychiatry.1983;
24 :551 –572[Medline]
12.
Kirkpatrick
M. Clinical implications of lesbian mother studies. J Homosex.1987; 14
:201 –211[Medline]
13.
Miller
J, Jacobsen R, Bigner J. The child’s home environment for lesbian vs
heterosexual mothers: a neglected area of research. J Homosex.1981; 7
:49 –56[Medline]
14.
Kirkpatrick
M, Smith C, Roy R. Lesbian mothers and their children: a comparative survey. Am
J Orthopsychiatry.1981; 51 :545 –551[Medline]
15. Patterson CJ. Children of lesbian and gay parents. Adv Clin Child Psychol.1997; 19 :235 –282
16.
Patterson
CJ. Children of the lesbian baby boom: behavioral adjustment, self-concepts,
and sex role identity. In: Greene B, Herek GM, eds. Lesbian and Gay
Psychology: Theory, Research, and Clinical Applications.
17.
Bailey
JM, Bobrow D, Wolfe M, Mikach S. Sexual orientation of adult sons of gay
fathers. Dev Psychol.1995; 31 :124 –129
18.
Gottman
JS. Children of gay and
lesbian parents. Marriage Fam Rev.1989; 14 :177 –196
19.
Patterson
CJ. Children of lesbian and gay parents. Child Dev.1992; 63 :1025 –1042[Medline]
20.
Tasker
FL, Golombok S. Growing Up in a Lesbian Family: Effects on Child
Development.
21.
Allen
M, Burrell N. Comparing the impact of homosexual and heterosexual parents on
children: meta-analysis of existing research. J Homosex.1996; 32 :19 –35[Medline]
22.
Huggins
SL. A comparative study of self-esteem of adolescent children of divorced
lesbian mothers and divorced heterosexual mothers. J Homosex.1989; 18
:123 –135[Medline]
23.
Tasker
F, Golombok S. Adults raised as children in lesbian families. Am J
Orthopsychiatry.1995; 65 :203 –215[Medline]
24.
Patterson
CJ. The family lives of children born to lesbian mothers. In: Patterson CJ,
D’Augelli AR, eds. Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Identities in Families:
Psychological Perspectives.
25.
Steckel
A. Psychosocial development of children of lesbian mothers. In: Bozett FW, ed. Gay
and Lesbian Parents.
26.
Stacey J, Biblarz TJ. (How) Does the sexual orientation of parents matter? Am Sociol Rev.2001;
66 :159 –183
27.
Tasker
F. Children in lesbian-led families: a review. Clin Child Psychol Psychiatry.1999; 4 :153 –166
28.
Patterson
CJ. Families of the lesbian baby boom: parents’ division of labor and
children’s adjustment. Dev Psychol.1995; 31 :115 –123
29.
Chan
RW, Brooks RC, Raboy B, Patterson CJ. Division of labor among lesbian and
heterosexual parents: associations with children’s adjustment. J Fam Psychol.1998; 12 :402 –419
30.
Patterson
CJ, Hurt S, Mason CD. Families of the lesbian baby boom: children’s contact
with grandparents and other adults. Am J Orthopsychiatry.1998; 68 :390
–399[Medline]
31.
Emery
RE. Interparental conflict and the children of discord and divorce. Psychol
Bull.1982; 92 :310 –330[Medline]